I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I’d been in counseling on and off for 20 years. I heard about equine therapy from a friend. I knew I wanted to try it. I committed to drive an hour and half each way plus the hour of therapy every other week for several months. From day one, I knew that this therapy was really different. And it would really stretch me out of my comfort zone.
I was to pick my horse to work with that first day. I was drawn to the horses that seemed to notice me, either by looking at me or walking in my direction. I remember just kind of omitting the periphery horses from my selection because it seemed as if I were invisible to them. The counselor said something like just because they don’t seem to acknowledge you, doesn’t mean they don’t know you’re there. That statement resonated with me for quite a while.
You see, in my family of origin, I wasn’t seen. I felt invisible and also wanted to be invisible. Yet I longed to be known and seen.
Over the course of the equine therapy, there were many moments where I not only felt seen by the horses we were working with, but in some way they seemed to know me better than I know myself. One particular time, my horse came towards me in a beautiful way when I felt unloved, small and inferior. But he wanted to be in my space and that was a very beautiful and welcomed connection.
Another time, we were doing an exercise in the round pen that involved trying to lead a horse around several barriers. One of the horses stumbled over something and bumped into me. When we debriefed the exercise, I had a new and profound thought. I realized that the sister that I really wanted connection with was processing her journey in her own way and that had NOTHING to do with me. The horse helped me realize that she was reacting to me out of her own pain and it was not about me.
For many years I had experienced relational barriers with my sister that I had taken personally and were quite painful. But I believe that this new insight gave me freedom in that relationship that I had not experienced before. And that freedom has directly benefitted my entire family’s connections.
I don’t think that I would’ve gotten all those aha moments with traditional therapy.
Just recently, our church leadership team went to the same facility for a team building and leadership development training involving horses. It was so evident to me that I had grown in confidence, courage and comfort around the horses. And that has directly translated into me being able to have enough belief in myself to pursue additional instruction in leading women’s groups at my church, training to be a mentor to young women and substitute teaching in our local school district.
I believe equine therapy is such a gift and should be made available to all who wish to pursue it.
